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Death and Cycling 1


Bovlomov's Law of Cycle Helmets

First Law:

Whenever and however an unhelmeted cyclist dies, helmetlessness shall be given as the cause of death.*

Second Law:

Whenever and however a helmeted cyclist survives an accident, the helmet shall be shown to be the reason for survival.

Third Law:

If a helmeted cyclist should die after an accident, the helmet shall not be mentioned - neither at the inquest, nor in any news report.

[* This still applies when the rider has suffered multiple organ failure after being crushed between two heavy goods vehicles, and even when the rider dies peacefully at home in bed.]


Bigots Sublimate Their Primitive Impulses - Cyclists Beware!

Now that it has become unacceptable to express one's hatred of Jews, Irish, Blacks and Pakistanis, and following recent legislation that protects religious groups from hatred and ridicule, bigots and other unhinged people are seeking new, legal targets for their anger. In psychological terms, they must sublimate their primitive urges (i.e. hatred of foreigners) and direct the energy into activities that are socially more acceptable.

Luckily, there are still a few groups that the law doesn't protect: It is still socially and legally acceptable to express hatred of Gypsies. One may question their honesty, cleanliness and morality, without any fear of prosecution. As asylum seekers are of many races and religions, insulting them is also risk free. Moreover, they'll be too poor to seek legal redress!

Most of the refocussed anger, though, is being directed at Cyclists. Perhaps because, like Gypsies, their freedom mocks our enslavement. Or it could be the dress sense. Anyway - think of all the insults you once aimed at ethnic minorities, and adapt them for cyclists. For example, "I hate cyclists because they smell funny!", "I hate their brightly coloured clothing!", "Since my sister took up with a cyclist, none of my family talk to her" and "There is a world conspiracy of cyclists!" are all acceptable, as is retraining your dog so that it no longer attacks people with dark skin, but attacks cyclists instead.

Celebrity Cyclist-haters: Sublimating primitive urges?

Nigel Havers
He "absolutely" hates cyclists.
Sheila Hancock
Her pet hates include cyclists - "How I hate cyclists, they're the anarchists of the road. They try to kill you.
AS Byatt
Her 11 year old son was killed by a car, but she "really" hates cyclists.

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DOCTOR DANGER!

What should cyclists really be afraid of.

Read the disturbing facts here..

DID YOU KNOW?..

..That the cycle-helmet/ipod combination is a great substitute for lights and road-sense. With a helmet, an ipod and a course of Tamiflu you will be almost invincible. Stopping at red lights and indicating? Leave that stuff for the saps without helmets!

Jane Tomlinson R.I.P

She didn't need to prove the doubters wrong, but she did just that. There had been snide whispers suggesting that, really, she was not suffering from cancer at all [Actually, I never heard them myself, but I believe such rumours were circulated]. Well, I suppose, now her death has provided enough proof. Here on this page, however, the question remains: Why did someone with only months to live wear a cycle helmet? How did she perceive the risk of dying from a head injury instead of her illness? To all the obituaries that will be written; about her courage, her physical and mental strength, the money she raised for charity, her family... ..I would like to add this: If - as expected - she goes to heaven, she won't be wearing a helmet any more. They're not compatible with halos. In hell they wear helmets, and the horns stick out through the vents!